My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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