There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He did a backflip because drugs
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
