I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
