Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
