but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
