Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
