I hate your face
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Randomize
