Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
