last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
