so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
