I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
