you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
