Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
