fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize