____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
