I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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