I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
