I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
