My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
