I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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