I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
