So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
