just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
