Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
