Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
