So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Are we still banned from the library?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
false alarm, still single
Randomize
