Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
