Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
