I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
do herpes really smell.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
