How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm both gender and math confused
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
