Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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