Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
