I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize