she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
