Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
