my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
