you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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