I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
