I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
