so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize