Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Randomize
