we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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