addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
