we have pet lesbian snakes
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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