Please, let me fuck your mom
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
