some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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