He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Randomize
