Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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