we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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