I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
