I'm so fucking centered right now
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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