Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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