Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
