If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
