What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
