the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
