On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
