i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
jump out the window naked night went bad
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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