You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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