he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
