He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Randomize
