If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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